~To Be Honest~

I lied. [again]

Sorry for disappearing on you guys.

It was a rather... hectic year.

Things didn't go as plan.

Tears, pain...

And everything in between.

Let's start the New Year with something new shall we?

Now.

To Be Honest

It's a strange three-word-opening,

Used in horrifically wrong ways.

It's become some trend for people to like and stuff being posted.

Well, here's my version.

[TO BE HONEST] will be me...

Actually being honest.

Shocker.

Okayy.

I shall only do 5 To Be Honest Facts.
Cause this post got really long,

Let's begin...

.One.

To Be Honest...

I will never have the right words to make a bad situation okayy. Everything I write in this Blog is as real as can be, trust me.

To help you recover and learn and discover that you are never alone is the main goal of this Blog.

However,

it is also a form of... 

assuring myself.

It's a form of me to help all of you but also a form of help for me. To help advise myself I suppose you could say?

I'm honestly just another reader.

.Two.

To Be Honest.

I still stand by this.

I don't believe in doing something I don't believe in.

I may be a hypocrite for saying that...

But I want you to learn from my mistakes.

Don't. Ever. Do Something.

That you believe isn't right.

Obviously, This doesn't apply to trigger-warning actions.

I mean... Don't do something that...

Hurts you.

That traps you.

That... ruins you.

I know, You understand what I mean.

Even if it was me you were talking to.

Just don't.

.Three.
To Be Honest.
I'm not happy.
I never really, truly was.
Every time I think I am, someone takes it away from me.
It's like this quote says,
"8 seconds of happiness."
Cause it feels that way doesn't it?
You only feel those 8 seconds.
When something terrible happens...
Whoosh.
Happiness just... obliviates.
It hurts so bad, I know it does.
Even I don't know what to do at times like those.
Yeah, we all have our moments.
But it's not fun, living in the shadows of your thoughts.
I know, how that feels.

.Four.

To Be Honest.

This is all I'm looking for in life now.

But even now, I find it difficult to write or speak a sentence without thinking too much about it.

I'm not talking about a text to a crush or something like that.

I'm talking about opening my mouth to say even a greeting.

I never understood the term, "To Be Accepted".

Simply because I fear it. I fear the rejection as anyone would.

But I don't know why, it's like a paranoia I can't seem to shake off.

Even with people I'm friends with now,

I'm afraid to speak my heart.

I can speak my mind, definitely, but never my heart.

To tell them I feel sad or my heart feels heavy is a war I have yet to win.

And I don't know if I ever will.

.Five.

To Be Honest.

I do, honestly, care.

I care for the lives of friends I have yet to meet.

I care for the lives of friends I will never meet.

I care for the lives of friends I have lost.

I spend so much time and effort because I've seen what time can do.

I've seen the magic of someone going through a rough time and learning that they have a better road ahead.

The journey is agonizing, and I know this for I am still on my very own walk.

I spend so much time and effort in making what you call a lost cause find life again, because I see your potential. Everyone has one. You just haven't heard yours.

The tears I cry,

The scars I have,

The blood I shed,

Is all part of my journey,

To learn and understand why things happen the way they do. Cause in all honesty,

I'm still trying to figure the fuck out of some things.

Like the ache in my heart.

The throbbing in my skull.

Until then...

I'll live.

-SimplyySarah-