~Lost~

Heyy...

I don't really know WHY I still run back here to express my feelings.

Maybe knowing random strangers or not so random people find this... 

They get a clue?

I never meant for this blog to get soo...

Emotional.

But, that's what they are for right?

I do.

Lost.

Cold.

Empty.

I don't know anything anymore.

I feel like an empty shell being controlled,

By my mind; Instead of my heart.

I may not be feeling what others are feeling,

However, I know enough to make me start thinking again.

"What would it feel like to have control again?"

"What would it feel like if I never opened my stupid mouth and told them; about everything?"

I wear two guitar picks around my neck;

as a reminder.

I wear a silver Superman logo too;

as strength.

It broke recently.

The Superman Necklace.

It broke from its chain,

I nearly broke down,

Thinking I lost it.

The lost feeling I felt.

As if, if I didn't have it.

All my strength to carry on would disappear,

and vanish into thin air.

When I found it,

A huge wash of relief came over me.

I smiled,

And continued to run;

With all my strength.

God, knows what's holding me up now.

Music, maybe?

Or a constant will...

That it's not my time yet.

It hurts cause' I know there's nothing wrong with my life,

Yet everything seems to play differently in my mind.

My heart gets this disturbed feeling,

And I take everything good or bad into it.

I suffocate it.

Now,

I feel like screaming my lungs out.

But I'm underwater.

I know I always end a blog post on a happier note,

But I can't...

I can't do it today.

I know I stress because of my own mistakes.

It always happens.

That's why the physical scars are there.

Just to prove that I'm only human.

Just to take the mental pain away.

Cause' the mental pain is worse than physical right?

Every time, my mind takes control instead of my heart.

I don't deserve any of this,

The people around me too.

Yet I grasp it as though without it,

I'd fall faster.

The worst part out of this?

No one will be there to catch me.

-SimplyySarah-