~Oath~

Heyy, guys.

WARNING:
It's a little personal...

Lots of cursing.

Sorry,

I'm human too.

Emotions, are a bitch aren't they?

You can do something you hate or love.

But somehow,

Your emotions always seem to resurface.

Like the bitch it is.

Lately,

I've chatted with a few people who can't give two fucks about life anymore.

After all the,

tears,

crying,

self harm,

and 

suicide thoughts.

They just breakdown.

They go to someone close to them,

And if anyone you know have said these 4 words to you...

You know you've lost them.

When they say these 4 words.

You know they'll never properly be same again.

I've had people coming up to me,

And I knew,

I wouldn't have them back properly.

When they say,

"I don't care anymore..."

You know you're too late.

They'll be sick of the tears they used to shed.

They wouldn't even bother about life anymore.

They couldn't give two fucking fucks about themselves.

And you know what hurts the most hearing them say the four words?!

They fucking smile.

That smile...

Was the smile I never wanted anyone else to use.

B'sides me.

I know,

from my experience and observation.

When they find that person to break that wall of their life.

Will I ever see the light in their eyes again.

Now,

I sit here and ask God.

What happened to all my wishes?

Then, 

I realised.

It was completely impossible to make that wish come true.

Or I'd be dead.

So, for now.

All I can do is be a friend.

All I can do is be the one that's there for you.

All I can do is be your shoulder to cry on.

All I can do is be the one to support you.

I have to,

Ignore all my emotions.

And I want to be that person,

To help walk beside you to cross that bridge.

Unless you have someone better.

I'm replaceable.

Unless I'm your last option.

I will grab you before you fall.

Or I could never live with myself.

 

Please, continue doing so.

You'd never know.

You'll find that someone.

But for now,

You'll have to deal with me.

This is my Oath to you.

-SimplyySarah-

~November 30th ~

November 30th

I wear the black ribbon.

For the rest who doesn't get it... here...

This post is dedicated to everyone,

who wears the black ribbon.

On their wrists,

and in their hearts.

This is to every person who society claims as

-Worthless

-Useless

-Freak

-Lost Hope

-Forgotten

-Slut

- Not Worthy

And so much more.

Trust me, you are never ANY of those things.

I know.

I've been through it.

I'm still going through it.

And

I just want it to end.

We live in a World where,

The people in it think

being judgemental isn't a crime.

Society forgets,

We're not emotionless zombies.

We're also human. 

I know.

A lot of you,

Have this smile.

Attitude,

Personality.

I have it too.

It sucks,

It's rotten,

It's horrible,

yet...

Strangely,

It's brilliant.

I wore a black ribbon.

On this very day.

To show my support,

To those who have gone through this.

Cutters.

Purgers.

Suiciders.

And so much more. 

Please.

Stop.

At least try.

Finding out,

You're doing this.

It hurts.

Losing yourself,

after finally having said and done.

Just giving up.

Doing whatever people tell you to do.

Not able to be yourself,

but be molded into something society wants to see.

I only speak my mind.

Believe what you want.

But if you need just an ear to listen.

A person to say,

"I don't understand. But I'll listen. I'll Stand By You."

I'm your girl.

I wouldn't mind.

If you think you're wasting my time.

Heh, I can waste my time on lost of other things.

You are not one of them.

The Butterfly Project. 

Try it.

Do it.

For your sake.

Never mine.

Besides that.. 

Please. 

and

You Are Loved , Care For, And So Much More.

-SimplyySarah-

~ Be Who You Are~

Heyy, guys...

So, have you heard the news? 

Being who you are is getting more outdated. 

We need to bring it back!

Honestly,

I'm getting sick of seeing people change...

For the worst.

They change because of...

The things people say about them.

The people they hang out with.

The people they WANT to hang out with.

and finally, 

The people they love.

You!

Have to remember...

WHO

YOU

ARE

You will always have people hating on you.

It's impossible for anyone to not have that person.

However,

That shouldn't bother you.

Do you want to know the best revenge to people who hate you?

Nobody is allowed to take that happiness away from you.

Nobody.

Be your own hero/heroin of the story.

Don't change or lose yourself half-way down your path.

You'd never know...

Who you'll miss.

Who you miss.

Who you missed.

Who is missing.

Don't bother changing to hang out with people,
Who want you to change for the worse.

Don't turn into a fool,

And lose people who once loved you,
Just cause of them.

Now if it was vice verse...

Well, 

That's another thing.

The friends you have now is enough.

They like you for who you are,

NOT what you're NOT!

Be with people who love you for you.

Not what you have or what you can give.

Somehow,

Things will change,

You will shine from your spot.

And people WILL look up to you.

But of course,

You have to have a plan.

To stand your ground,

To be yourself,

To finally show your true colours.

To help you smile in the end.

Don't ever change,

if you have a "crush" on someone.

Being in love is different.

It works differently.

However,

If you're "crushing" on someone.

Don't do that.

If he likes you,

It means he likes you the way you are...

Not the other way around.

Don't be a damsel in distress.

And wait for your knight to save you.

SAVE YOURSELF.

If you want to change.

Change for the good!

Not for the worst.

And if you do change...

Remember...

Because,

You'll never know,

What being yourself could lead you to.

Being Yourself Is All You Really Need To Be.

-SimplyySarah-

~Trust~

So, guys...

What is trust?

Is it a game?

Is it a bond?

or

Is it a promise?


The way you describe it;
be it a piece of paper,
a mirror,
a piece of glass.


It always ends up the same,
Broken,
Torn,
Shattered,
Ruined...

It's a pain in the ass.
It hurts and cuts such a deep scar.
It's so hard to mend and be put back together.
It can kill you.

How d'you deal with this?
I mean,
I have troubles and is having troubles to deal with these things.

I don't know.
Whatever it is,
I'll just go back.

I can feel myself going back,
to my old self.

To smile and ignore my feelings.
To say "I'm fine..." and never mean it.
To help others and be that kind, selfless person,
To just be happy.

but hey...
An advice to you people reading this,
If you see that person,
the quiet or loud [It doesn't matter...]
Any one person,
You feel so intrigued to talk to,
or just,
Say a simple greeting.

Do it.
Gain their trust,
AND 
Never break it.

You'd never know,

The "Regular" Person You See Everyday,
Sometimes Cry In Their Sleep. 

-SimplyySarah-

~Unwanted~

Heyy, guys...
So heard lil' things yet?



It hurts.

Knowing they never care.

Knowing they look at your siblings more.

Knowing you never know how to gain that feeling.

It hurts.

The song Little Things by One Direction was brought up;
Cause it hurts for me to listen to it.

I love the song, 
because it's true.
I hate the song,
because it hurts to think...

Unwanted,
Unloved,
Unnecessary,
I feel like I'm wasting oxygen!

It's upsetting,
You put A and B,
Make them do the same thing.

A gets more praise,
Than B.
All because...?

Well, only God knows that answer.
So, now B's feeling,
Unwanted.

B puts a smile on her face,
But inside,
She just gained a deep cut.
And it hurts.

Everyone feels unwanted sometimes,
I may sound desperate and I do,
However, if you know me,
You'd know...
You have never heard these things from me,
Until you find this blog and read it.

No one reads this.
That's why I release everything here.
No one bothers,

So why should you?

-SimplyySarah-

~My Confession~

Heyy.... guys...

I promised, someone to do this...

So yeah...

I honestly, don't know what to say...

My life has been a weird twist of a roller coaster since I've gotten a hold of it... 

I can't seem to let go,

I have something on my mind even though it's something I shouldn't even worry about. 

Have you ever heard the quote,

"If a man hasn't discovered something he will die for,

He isn't fit to live." 

-Martin Luther King-

Well, I haven't found that reason,

So, what IS there to live for?

I know I've always said,

My hopes are high,

I have faith.

However, there's still a part of me that screams;

Just One Jump!

Just One Gulp!

Just One Slice!

And It's All Over... .

My heart and guts however,

Speaks differently.

Every time I think about it,

It's always, 

Someone will save you.

Someone will come to your rescue.

Will someone?

Anyone?

I never share my story to get sympathy or pity.

Please, doing that would be completely inconsiderate!

I know others have got it worse than I do,

All I want is someone to just snap me out of it.

Bring me back.

If it was ever possible...

I wonder what it feels like to actually fall in love.

Cause' Once Upon A Time,

I did.

But it was all a lie.

The irony is that the one who always wants to find love,

Finds it last,

But gives the BEST relationship advice.

Ever felt you were in a group of crowded people,

Even people you love,

But you still feel alone?

I get it.

A lot.

My pain is my own misery,

My scars are my own fault,

My bruises are my own memories,

My lyrics are my own stories.

Sometimes, 

I purposely put myself out there,

To see if anyone would remark or comment.

I would rebel against things I shouldn't do just to feel someone notices or at least cares.

However, doing these things with a "This-Is-Me" character, to see if anyone noticed.

I tend to bottle everything up,

Seal it and cover it up with a smile and laugh.

It's worked all this while...

It really isn't hard once you get used to it.

I'm different,
I'm weird.


My whole life,
I've been a listener,
If I cross that line and start talking,
People will start to think differently,
So, I keep to myself..

A lot.

It's useless trying to confide to others,

Honestly,

If I confide to someone,

That person will never confide to me.

They'll be thinking,

She has it bad, won't wanna add pressure.

I shouldn't say anything, she already has her own issues.

It'll only burden him.

Well, it'll actually let the other person know that you trust him as much as he trusts you,

I know I would.

I guess...

I don't see things a normal person should,

Which makes me a target.

I don't like that,

In any way,

At all.

I also take a lot of things people say bout' me to the heart.

I'm not perfect,

I'm insecure.

And literally...

About Everything.

I never liked how I look,

How could anyone like me for looks and all.

That's why I say looks isn't everything,

But admit it...

It DOES play a part.

If I could change any one thing about myself, What would it be?

I seriously have a lot of things I would like to change.

Pick one?

Impossible.

I do from right to wrong.

Trust me, I do.

I also know, I think of doing more wrong than right.

Cutting was only the beginning.

Stopping to do so was the hardest part.

But I never break my promises,

Unless something else beat it to a pulp.

However,

It doesn't mean it has ever, 

EVER,

Left my mind.

Neither smoking and shit like that...

My troubles lead to worries,

My worries lead to stress.

Causing my to vomit a lot...

Hardly anyone knows it.

Maybe cause I eat a lot?

Insecurities once more. 

Yeahh, so...

My life's screwed up,

And nobody knows it.

My minds messed up,

And I just keep silent.

My emotions are all fcuked up,

And I cover it with a smile.

Story Of My Life...

-SimplyySarah-

~The 3 L's~

Heyy, guys!
I know, it's weird, cause' you can't help reading this is a perky voice, right?! xD

Well, it's cause the holidays have started!!!






I felt as though my blog suddenly became something too personal,
I didn't want that.
I wanted a blog to inspire.
So, I'm here to make a statement to all YOU people now.

Laugh.

It's true.
Now, go out there.

Smile and Laugh,
For no reason,
Just smile.
For all the reasons,
Just laugh.

It's weird,
At first,
However, once you see all the happiness and laughter,
once you just let loose,
Everything seems so bright.
Like you can do anything,
It works for me,
Why not you try it?

This!

Is Very True!

It happened to me once before,

It was the most wonderful feeling in the World.

I wouldn't trade it for the World!

However, you have to be sure,

or you could end up like me...

NO!

Not old and shaking!

I'm still young mind you!

I meant upset and lonely! 

Haha, don't worry bout' me,

Just keep searching for "The One"...

It's worth it.

Even if it's the smallest of the smallest of things!
It still affects you either way...


It's funny,
How everything affects your life,
After a simple nod or shake of the head.

It's weird,
Knowing how many paths there are,
And anyone of those,
Could lead you to...
The Dream You Want,
The Love of Your Life,
The Future You have Wanted...
Or
The complete opposite....

Whatever it is,
Remember...

Live. Love. Laugh!

-SimplyySarah- 

~Lost~

Heyy...

I don't really know WHY I still run back here to express my feelings.

Maybe knowing random strangers or not so random people find this... 

They get a clue?

I never meant for this blog to get soo...

Emotional.

But, that's what they are for right?

I do.

Lost.

Cold.

Empty.

I don't know anything anymore.

I feel like an empty shell being controlled,

By my mind; Instead of my heart.

I may not be feeling what others are feeling,

However, I know enough to make me start thinking again.

"What would it feel like to have control again?"

"What would it feel like if I never opened my stupid mouth and told them; about everything?"

I wear two guitar picks around my neck;

as a reminder.

I wear a silver Superman logo too;

as strength.

It broke recently.

The Superman Necklace.

It broke from its chain,

I nearly broke down,

Thinking I lost it.

The lost feeling I felt.

As if, if I didn't have it.

All my strength to carry on would disappear,

and vanish into thin air.

When I found it,

A huge wash of relief came over me.

I smiled,

And continued to run;

With all my strength.

God, knows what's holding me up now.

Music, maybe?

Or a constant will...

That it's not my time yet.

It hurts cause' I know there's nothing wrong with my life,

Yet everything seems to play differently in my mind.

My heart gets this disturbed feeling,

And I take everything good or bad into it.

I suffocate it.

Now,

I feel like screaming my lungs out.

But I'm underwater.

I know I always end a blog post on a happier note,

But I can't...

I can't do it today.

I know I stress because of my own mistakes.

It always happens.

That's why the physical scars are there.

Just to prove that I'm only human.

Just to take the mental pain away.

Cause' the mental pain is worse than physical right?

Every time, my mind takes control instead of my heart.

I don't deserve any of this,

The people around me too.

Yet I grasp it as though without it,

I'd fall faster.

The worst part out of this?

No one will be there to catch me.

-SimplyySarah-

~Dreams~

Hey, guys...

[Or anyone who actually reads this....]

I know, my exams are coming up and I should be studying...

But I have the need to share this.

Yes, this.

This is the quote,

-I live by...

-I respect...

And Most Importantly,

-Keeps me sane.

As many of you may know, 

My "dream" was always to become an English Lecturer and major in the language, 

[Cause I'm good at it... *snickers* ]

As many of you think! 

I play the piano, guitar and ukulele for fun.

I dance for fun.

I perform for FUN.

However,

What only a few know,

My dream has always been performing.

Be it singing or dancing.

I loved them both.

Although,

I'm not very professional in the two.

I have been told I was good at them,

Or asked if I went to classes.

However,

In all honesty,

There are a million ZILLION other better than me.

So, I always wonder...

When I grow up,

Will I get my "dream",

Or my DREAM.

This has been kept secret for about,

As long as I could remember...

I Wanna Live My Dreams,

I Wanna Live My Life The Way I Want To. 

However,

I. Am. Being put down.

I do have people telling me,

"It's is only a dream."

"It's all in your head."

"So, is 100000 other people in the world."

But here I am wondering,

"Don't you think I know that?!?!"

"I wanna be THAT person."

All I'm asking,

Is a chance for me to sing and laugh and smile,

For me.

This is something I want for myself...

HOWEVER!!!!
To all you people out there!
TRY THIS!
DO THIS!
ACHIEVE IT!
I'll be rooting for you!
No matter what!
Cause...
Although I'm just a coward that speaks behind a computer,
I'm secretly using all my 11:11 wishes, birthday wishes and any other sort of wishes...
For you people to live much better than me.

For me,

Cause I know...

I'll never get it.

-SimplyySarah- 

P.S - This basically what I think for myself, tell me what you think?

P.P.S - For those of you who know me, 

Yes, I did post this today cause something happened. 

Yes I cut.

Not because of problems with family or friends! No, nothing like that. I'm fine with everyone.

I cut because of me... That's a different story, :]

Now to cheer you sad people -who bother -  up! :D

Oh! And just in case, 

Please tell me I'm not the only one who wants to break in and steal this car?!

Signing off once more [On a happier note...]

-SimplyySarah-